Things have changed a bit since I wrote this. Work has slowed in Porn Valley. DVD’s are dead. Tube sites are giving the porn consumers everything for free in hopes that you’ll sign up for one of the dating sites they promote. I still get e-mails all the time for this info, so I’m running it once more.
This blog’s original air date: October 19th, 2005.
You wanna start a website, right? Maybe you want to produce dirty DVD’s? So you went out, bought all the equipment, and you’re ready to start working. Time to book talent!
Or maybe you’re sitting at your desk, making your 40 or 50K a year, and you’re bored, and you’re thinking Wonder if I could be a porn star? And if so…wonder how much money I could make?
Maybe you have no desire to earn a living as a porn star…but you’re curious?
Wanna book a porn girl for nudie pics? That’s gonna run you about $100 bucks an hour. She should also play with herself a little bit for that kind of dough. But don’t expect her to ram a giant dildo up her snatch. That’s gonna cost you a tad more.
Blowjob scene more your speed? That’s $250 – $300, depending on the girl. If you want her to gag, or drool, or do a “rough” BJ, add $50 or so.
I know. I know. You like lesbians. Who doesn’t? That’s a $400 – $800 deal, per girl. It just depends on the girl, and what it is you exactly want them to do.
Personally, jerking off to lesbos got boring when I was still in high school. I really like to watch people fuck. That’s gonna be $700 to $1000 per girl. Expect to pay the dude anywhere from $100 bucks all the way up to $1000…again, it really depends on the dude – specifically, how big is the pee-pee? And can Homey keep it hard when those hot lights are on him? With strangers around, watching it all?
If you’re really naughty, you like to see a girl take it up the butt. Figure $1100 – $1400.
And you like more than one guy, of course! That’s an extra $200 per dick for whatever it is you’re talking about…BJ’s, sex, buttsex. Whatever. Unless he’s just dropping a load…then it’s only a hundie more.
Don’t ask me about weirdo fetish type shit. I can’t help.
Now here’s the fun part – let’s do the math! If you’re a dude, and you’re at, say, $400 a scene, and you manage to get work 3 days out of the week, you’re at $1200 a week! 62K a year to fuck porn stars!! Uh huh!
Let’s say you’re a chick, and you’re a heet. (Heet=hot) You’re getting booked for sex scenes every day of the week! That’s almost $5000 a week! WOW! And you can do that as long as your poonanny holds up. And when she gives, start doing anal! (By the way, don’t worry about your period…that’s what make-up sponges are for, silly.)
If you’re going to let an agent work for you, expect to pay your pimp 10 – 20%, depending how much work you expect your pimp to do…like, if he’s driving you around town, that’s good for 15-20%. If you can get yourself around, why pay more than 15%?
Now get to work!
(And if you’re wondering about the girl in the pic I shot here, it’s Judy Starr; she did what’s known as a b/b/b/g (boy-boy-boy-girl) and made about $1300 for the scene. Each dude got $500 or so. I was working second camera back then. That’s Dogfart standing in the foreground, and Justin Timberlake-Feels-Your-Pain on his knee, getting the insertion shot. You can see the scene at the one and only Blacks On Blondes.)
I Shoot Porn: So your therapist says you’re a sex addict?
Missy Woods: (laughs) Um, yes. I was diagnosed as having a sexual addiction associated with being bipolar.
ISP: Well, then you’re in the right job. Almost every girl I’ve ever met in this biz is bipolar.
MW: Really? Um, well, it’s really common during a manic phase to experience hyper-sexuality. I didn’t know I was bipolar for a long time. I was depressed a lot. I would go shopping even when I didn’t have any money. Lock myself in a dark corner and cry. And we never knew what was wrong with me.
ISP: I don’t care about that…I wanna hear about the hyper sexuality. Discuss!
MW: Well, basically, I would go out to bars and pick up guys to satisfy my needs.
Here’s when Jack Napier chimes in:
Jack Napier: I want to know the most depraved thing you’ve ever done. As long as it doesn’t have anything to do with children or animals.
MW: I will say my chihuahuas like to eat my panties. They’re lesbians. OK…I moved to a town where I didn’t know anyone, and I sat in my house naked masturbating 48 hours masturbating. I’m not exaggerating. It cost me my job. My parents called to make sure I wasn’t dead, and I wasn’t answering the phone.
ISP: What town was this?
MW: Midland-Odessa. West Texas oil fields. Smells like shit. That’s where I’m from.
ISP: What was your stimulus over those 2 days.
MW: Internet porn. HBO. I was watching Real Sex and soft core shit they show. On the internet I was watching a lot of spanking videos. BDSM stuff. My favorite sites are all the Kink.com sites.
ISP: So you’re in the right place — Porno Valley. What did you do before?
MW: I’m an office manager. An executive assistant. I make nothing.
ISP: Is that why you’re in porn? For the money?
MW: I got into porn cause I like the money. It’s just convenient that they pay me. Otherwise it was like when I didn’t show up to work cause I was masturbating. Now, I get to masturbate while I”m working!
Here’s when The Minion chimes in:
The Minion: When would you break from beating off?
MW: When I ran out of booze. I have a question for The Minion…did you like sucking on my titties?
ISP: Did you suck on her tits?
TM: Yea, she had some sugar on them I needed to get it off. Let me ask Missy — if the pizza delivery guy appeared out of thin air, would you have fucked him?
MW: Don’t think I didn’t try that.
Here’s when Jack Napier chimes in:
JN: I know you’re into interracial sex…but what’s your preference? I mean color preference, size preference. I want to know it all.
MW: Um, here’s the thing. I’ve never had interracial sex.
ISP: Then how did Jack know you were into IR?
JN: It’s on her dance card. So is just about everything else.
MW: Yes. Blacks guys are on my ToDo List. In the middle of Texas, things are segregated. It really is. There’s only so many bars in town.
ISP: Are any of them Black Only?
MW: No. But there’s not that many black guys that go to bars. It’s all cowboys.
ISP: Do cowboys fuck well?
MW: NO! And you can capitalize “no”! They’re all drunk, so they’re limp noodles. Cause that’s all there is to do — drink and fuck. And the big problem is they drink first.
ISP: How did you like shooting your very first scene for the world famous Manojob.com?
MW: It was so fun! I was a little nervous, cause I didn’t want to do something embarrassing. Everyone was so nice to me! They all wanted to play with me, and I got to play with them! And drink some cum!
TM: Would you be up to an impromptu gang bang with the four of us?
MW: There’s only three of you.
TM: Jack Napier’s dick counts for two.
MW: I totally would. Is that what we’re gonna do right now?
MW: Grab the baby wipes!
JN: Baby wipes and magic water!
ISP: What’s the magic water?
TM: I thought it was St. John’s Wort.
Sweet Child O’ Mine as covered by Taken By Trees: Who woulda thunk that a quiet, Cat Poweresque gal from Stockholm could have pulled off such a great cover. Her name is Victoria Bergsman, and when she’s singing she calls herself Taken By Trees, and her tiny piano is every bit as effective as Slash’s mighty axe. After you add that song to your mySpace, listen to “Julia”.
The Kindly Ones by Jonathon Littell: If you don’t finish this book, you can always use it to crush coal into diamonds, which might not take as long as reading it. But you might finish, cause you read this blog, and that makes you a big ol’ perv. I’m quite sure you will enjoy reading the sordid tale of an SS Officer who, among other things, sodomizes his sister, jams sausages up his own ass then cleans them up a bit to serve to his parents, and does walking tours of Auschwitz, Sachsenhausen and Buchenwald, after which he’s called to the bunker in Berlin during Hitler’s last days, where he meets Dur Fuhrer. I haven’t gotten this far, yet, and I dunno if I will, cause if a book doesn’t do it for me, I have no problem setting it down. But so far, so good.
My new MacBook Pro: It’s not really new, cause I bought it off my pal who just bought a super duper high powered one, but this is only a year old, and I love it, and I think it’s time for me to say bye bye to PC’s. By the way, my senior year I couldn’t do algebra, and I needed the math credit, so I signed up for computer class. (I dunno if it still counts as a math credit). We had the brand-spankin’ new Apple I with a 64K hard drive. This was 1982, I loved Oingo Boingo, but I didn’t have a mullet (that came in ’84). In other words, I started on an Apple. I’ll probably end on one. Next up: iPhone.
The Ace Hotel, Portland OR: So I’m writing this from Room #315, and I’m up here kicking it with a pal, and I’m right across the street from Gay Pride (No Way Am I Gay!) — but, more importantly, Powell’s City of Books, and across the street the dude who sells vintage smut, and down from him Stumptown Coffee Roasters, which ain’t too far from Jackpot Records. The Crystal Ballroom! And on every tap, Pabst Blue Ribbon! In other words, motherfuck me. If it wasn’t for October til May, I’d figure out a way to live here.
Greil Marcus’s Real Life Rock Top Ten as it appears in The Believer: From Wiki: “Greil Marcus (born 1945) is an American author, music journalist and cultural critic. He is notable for producing scholarly and literary essays that place rock music in a much broader framework of culture and politics than is customary in pop music journalism.” Every month he hypes ten things he loves lately, so what’s a filthy, dirty pornographer to do but rip him off? Mr. Marcus is much smarter than I; hence, I’m only half as good. At least today.
I Shoot Porn: You just sucked and fucked 9 well-hung African-Americans for a yet-to-be-named, top-secret site for the interracial porno geniuses who produce Blacks on Blondes. And this is only your 5th scene. How do you feel right now?
Melanie Monroe: I feel accomplished. (Laughs). My eyes are burning a bit, but it’s very pleasurable to get fucked while you’re sucking. My ass hurts, too. I think when I told them not to hit it hard, they thought I meant fucking, but I meant the spanking. The fucking could have been harder.
ISP: What did you do before porno? Cause you’re 32, so you’ve got a past.
MM: I was a retail manager for a clothing line.
ISP: What happened to that gig?
MM: I got tired of it, so I moved to Miami. I had a job waiting for me in Miami. It was a part-time job, but Miami turned me wild. It turned me out!
MM: I met a lot of wild people. I went to a lot of crazy parties. I met some bikini models, and one of them talked me into being an extra on a porn set, and before you knew it I was in porn!
ISP: What was your first scene?
MM: MILF Hunter. It was great. I was really nervous at first. I didn’t even know what a “pick-up” was. We ended up at Home Depot, where he helped me load teak wood into the back of my car. I was nervous about the pick-up…the acting…but the fucking I had no problem with. I was ready for that.
ISP: Any preconceived notions about what happens on a porno set?
MM: I though there was a lot more fucking than there really is. I thought I was gonna be fucked fucked fucked. There’s a lot of breaks! And I didn’t realize there were so many pictures that needed to be taken. I had neck pain for two days after I show for Ass Parade…looking over my shoulder while they shot my ass.
ISP: How big is your ass?
MM: I have no idea. That’s a good question! It’s really big. It turns me on when I turn men on while I giggle it.
ISP: Do you giggle for strangers?
MM: In a club while I’m dancing, yea. I do a lot of simulated-sex while I dance. I’m a big tease!
ISP: What specifically is it about the act of teasing that pushes your button?
MM: I had a boyfriend for 12 years, and I was faithful. That’s all I could do. When I got tired of him it turned me on to tease his friends.
ISP: Ever rub one out while thinking about teasing his friends?
ISP: What do you want to take away from this crazy biz?
MM: I’m doing it cause it’s fun. It kinda turns me on, too. I don’t get much action in my real life, and now I get fucked every day.
ISP: You’re not the first girl who’s told me that. I think a lot of girls get to act out fantasies in a safe environment on a porn set.
MM: Yea, who else would do more than 2 guys and feel safe and have fun? In the normal world that would be scary. Plus, I don’t really date that much in my normal life. I don’t get much action. With this job, I get lots of action…and a paycheck! And I love the attention, too! I didn’t get that when I weighed 225. I lost 87 pounds five years ago.
ISP: How do you think you got to a Deuce and a Q?
MM: My boyfriend wasn’t around much, so, instead of cheating I was eating and touching myself.
ISP: What was the #1 item in your fridge back then?
MM: Pizza. I would order pizza 5 times a week. The whole pizza. I can’t even eat pizza now.
ISP: Would you have ever done BBW porn?
MM: Hell no!
ISP: So do you think that there’s any correlation to you getting fucked on film and your weight loss?
MM: Yea, it’s kinda like when a girl gets new tits. She gets a litttle wilder…she shows her boobs and flashes people. It’s like that for me now. I got a new body and now I get wilder and I don’t have any problem getting naked now!
ISP: So what’s in your fridge now?
MM: Fresh spinach. Grilled chicken. A big pack of bottled water. It looks like a garden in my fridge now.
ISP: And you say you’re not really dating much?
ISP: Wanna hand over your phone number?
MM: You’re the hottest porn director I’ve ever seen. You made me nervous when I first got here cause you’re good looking. You’re turning red, too.
ISP: I’ll make sure to add a couple hundred bucks to your check for that. I’m flattered.
MM: I was hoping you were male talent when I first met you today.
ISP: Um…I can be male talent.
MM: Would you create a new website so we can do it? We can be a couple and cruise the streets of LA picking up hot bitches. Then we’ll talk them into doing porn. That’ll be a great site.
ISP: I dunno. You think people will pay to see my smokin’ six incher?
MM: Yes…cause you’re so handsome. With your pretty eyes! I’m making you turn red! This is awesome.
ISP: Um…I’m speechless. I think we’re done. Oh…you gotta mySpace? Fans love that shit.
MM: I sure do.
ISP: So I got a shot with you is what you’re saying?
MM: You’ve got a girlfriend. How long have you had that problem?
ISP: Not so long that I can’t shake it.
MM: Call me when you get tired of her. When you’re ready to have fun! Just bring Maggie, too. Promise?
ISP: Um…I’m speechless. I think we’re done.
I have another funny “boyfriend” story. Well, I dunno if it’s funny, but I certainly found it amusing.
I get an e-mail from Sleazy Porno Agent touting a new find — Ashley Jane. Her dance card says she does solo, G/G, and handjobs.
Usually if a girl’s gonna touch a weiner, she’ll do the whole she-bang: handjobs, blowjobs, B/G, etc.
Not Ashley Jane. And this makes for good Manojob fodder. The scarcer the content, the better it is, right? Meaning, if there’s not a whole lot of dirty movies out there with Ashely Jane with a dude, it’ll be easier to sell. Makes sense to me, anyway.
So when I saw her dance card, and I saw how cute she was, I booked her right away. And I booked her for two Manojobs instead of one.
She shows up on set, and she’s on time, and she’s really, really cute. Ashley Jane is one of those girls who represents way better in person than she does on camera.
Lately the members at Manojob have been asking for The Money Shot to end up on titties, and how can I refuse a paying member’s request?
Here’s some free Ashely Jane hand job movies from that first shoot, so don’t say I never gave ya nothing.
After she cleans up, I tell her to get back into the make-up chair, cause her second Stunt Cock is almost here, and, I think I said it like this: “I’ll have the second guy blow a load in your face…cool?”
I asked her if it’s cool, but it’s really my passive-aggressive way of saying this dude’s gonna give you a facial whether you like it or not.
Ashley Jane gave me this weird sort of look and didn’t say much. Then, she kinda shuffled back into the make-up room.
This means Ashely’s not too thrilled about taking a load to the kisser.
But it’s porn, right? Where else is the load supposed to really wind up? Well…on her tits, I guess. Especially if my members ask for it.
A few minutes Ashley calls me into the make-up room. “My boyfriend won’t let me do the facial. I’m sorry.”
The Old Billy Watson woulda thanked her, told her to pack her gear and go.
The New and Improved Billy Watson thought a sec. Where else have the members wanted to see a girl take a load?
Well, all over her pussy. But if Ashely Jane’s boyfriend wasn’t OK with the facial, there was no way he was gonna be OK with the creampie…right?
I mean if I was Ashley Jane’s BF, and I wasn’t gonna let her take the facial there’s no way she’s gonna let some stranger splooge all over her vagina.
But that’s me.
Cause Ashley Jane’s boyfriend was perfectly content with the creampie.
Here’s a few free clips of Ashley Jane jerking a guy to completion all over her beautiful V-Jayjay.
Now, after you pick yourself up off the floor from laughing so hard, just know that at five minutes and six seconds after 4 AM on the 8th of July this year…the time and date will be: 04:05:06 07/08/09.
And that will never, ever happen again.
Kinda like Ashley Jane appearing in a dirty movie with another boy, cause a few hours after her second scene with me, I called her agent to book Ashley for one more hand job (cause I thought she was that cute, and I had a funny feeling she was gonna quit doing boys).
Sure enough, her agent said that was the last time she’d work with a dude.
Where as 04:05:06 07/08/09 will never happen again, I’m not so sure about Ashley Jane…but you never know.
Take note: I’ve never used “Über” here, and it’s just my way of saying goodbye to Germany as I head outta here. I wonder if anyone’s ever used “Über” to describe something pornographic? And using the umlaut correctly?
I think not.
At B.O.B., I had Tara Lynn and Cameron Love work each other a bit before they worked Jack Napier’s XXXXXL black dong. This includes Tara and Cameron taking turns cleaning each others’ butts with their tongues. I think the scene turned out well. Both of these girls are black cock sluts in real life.
Really, they are.
I think Cameron squirted all over the place, too…but I don’t recall now. Funny, but I kinda forget about the scenes I shoot almost immediately after I shoot them. Anways, both girls really gave their all, and I appreciated it.
A few days earlier Tara and I jumped into the van and headed out to a glory hole I found that’s still very cruisy.
I remember when The Producer said he wanted to start a glory hole site.
“Aren’t those a gay thing?” I asked.
He said, “Not anymore.”
Someone recently commented that they don’t want anything but porno on a porn blog, and I kinda agree…so I’m gonna keep ISP more porno now.
What old school TV cop used to say, “Just the facts, mam?”
OK — I gotta run. It’s a long way home.
Wait — let me tell you I saw Mozart’s doorbell today. Really, I did. Actually, I took a picture of Heir Mozart’s doorbell; it was his pad for 26 years, and I’m sure it’s not the original doorbell…but who knows. I’d like to think it was. I mean I’m not a Mozart nut or anything, but it was still kinda cool to see.
Anyways, Jim South has been a porno agent since Day 1. I mean that literally. As in Jim South and his World Modeling Agency was the place you’d go to book a Ginger Lynn / Traci Lords G/G scene in, say, 1983. I think the only other “official” porn agent that’s been around as long as Jim South is Reb…but I think South has him beat.
For the most part, Porno Agents are a sleazy lot. There’s a few good ones. Maybe 4 that I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe more. I dunno, mainly cause I’m still on vacation and I don’t want to think about porn a whole lot, except to tell you my story about Lexi Diamond. Oh…and that I like Jim South. He has some great stories, and I always try to pull one or two more out of him whenever I stop by to pay him whatever agency fees I owe. He’s the only one I really visit; the other agents I owe money get a check in the mail. Not Jim. Cause I can always count on something good whenever I stop by…like Tom Byron’s first nude Polaroid pic taken before he jumped into the Porno Game, or a good Traci Lords story.
Now, here’s where I kinda get down on World Modeling: their girls are kinda skanky. Some are really tough. I want to do biz with South, but it’s kinda tough. Then one day I get an e-mail from him touting porn newbie Lexi Diamond. I booked her immediately for Manojob and The Dick Suckers.
“Now, I gotta tell you this Billy. This girl has never shot before. Not a thing. And she’ll only shoot with her boyfriend. You OK with that Boss?”
Here’s my take on shooting a girl who will only work with her boyfriend: if it works out, the content is gold, cause almost no one else in Porn Valley will shoot a girl that only does things with boys if it’s her boyfriend. I like having content featuring a girl as hot as Lexi…especially since no one else will have it.
But there’s a huge risk…most boyfriends can’t perform. They’re not male talent…they’re boyfriends, and they suck at being a stunt cock. So I told this to Jim South, and I made it clear if BF couldn’t perform, they wouldn’t get paid.
“No problem Boss! She’ll be there with a smile on her face!”
Do I need to tell you boyfriend couldn’t get it up? Not even for one second. Which doesn’t mean I’m shit talking Boyfriend. I’ve blogged this a ton before — it ain’t easy being Male Talent. No way. Think about it…how many different dudes do you see in front of a camera? Since the internet it’s gotten way easier for dudes to jump into the game — but still. A whole different blog.
Anyways, Lexi and her man know the deal, and usually when BF fails and GF isn’t down to work with another dude, they’re hauling ass as fast as they can get out of there. But Lexi ain’t moving. So I leave the room so they can “discuss” and get on my cell phone to get a Stunt Cock down to my studio as fast as possible. Cause I already know how their discussion is going to turn out.
“You can wait in the make-up room while I shoot the scene,” I tell BF after they give me their decision. And the decision, of course, is that Lexi’s gonna jerk off anyone I can find, cause she ain’t going back to Jack-In-The-Box (her last job before porn).
Lexi Diamond hand job movie — and her first ever dirty movie. And it went so well I had her back a few weeks later, cause she was still in the game, and from what it looks like…she’s gonna be around a while.
A Lexi Diamond blowjob movie was shot a few weeks later.
I even had her come back for Manojob, cause I think she’s so cute, and I think she’s gonna have a decent Porno Career. Let’s just see how long BF watches from the sidelines before he says enough’s enough.
Cause sooner or later, that day’s gonna come.
And now I’m off to watch the rain fall and sit in front of my little pension and sip a Stiegl Spezial and listen to Indie Pop Rocks…cause they’re playing “Hey Joe”, and it’s not the Jimi Hendrix one…but the one by Tahiti 80 — a band I like very, very much.
But No Way Am I Gay.