Take a look at those giant tits.
And that fat pussy.
You’re looking at the world’s oldest stroke fodder, which was whittled from a Mammoth tusk around 33,000 BC.
And you thought Nina Hartley was old school.
Caveman beat his meat, too. Poor, lonely Caveman, who couldn’t manage to club Cavegirl over the head and drag her back home.
The obsession with nekkid girls has been with man since Day One, and this just proves that point. They found this bit of Caveman Porn in a German cave. I’m surprised it wasn’t more elaborate…as in a Caveman pooping on Cavegirl, cause we all know how much those Whacky Germans love their Scheiße Movies.
Thank goodness for the internet when it comes to translating German to English. This is how I discovered “Scheiße”, cause — being a dumbass American — I was about to call them Schizer movies. As in German Schizer Movies. As in the kind Cartman’s mom starred in.
I also have no problem ending the last sentence in a preposition.
Anyways, they’re calling this the earliest example of figurative art, and I’m gonna call is the earliest example of porn, and I bet this was passed around during Caveman meetings, and after a furious session of Paper Rock Scissors, one lucky Caveman got to bring it home and whack off like never before. And I’m sure one winner hoarded it, and never brought it back, and he ended up hiding it from his future Cavegirl…and there it sat for 35,000 years.
What a good hiding place!
I think I’ll go off on a quick tangent and talk more about Germans, especially how clean those motherfuckers are. I couldn’t get over it. No one fucks up anything. Even on the public transport. The restrooms are so fucking spotless I had no problem dropping a deuce in them, which, for me, is unheard of…I am a total Home Field player, and the second I’m forced to poop anywhere but home, I won’t — unless I’m on the verge of dropping the aforementioned deuce in my drawers.
Not in Germany!
I had no problem sitting my big, white butt all over their public toilet seats.
(Sitting or setting?)
There will be no disorder! Not even in the sex shops, which were spotless. And when I walked into one, there wasn’t a single creepy Cruisy Boi; instead, all I saw were hot chicks buying sex toys.
Is this indicative off all German sex shops? Or only the ones in Munich? I mean are the sex shops in Berlin filthy?
And now that I’m in Prague, what should I expect?