When I first got into this crazy biz, I didn’t realize how many different genres of porn were out there, and how fanatical people are about the type of porn that pushes their Horny Buttons.

I was so naive.

Oh sure, I knew there was straight porn and gay porn.

And when it came to the straight stuff, I knew there was people who got off on anal scenes, and people who got off on watching a girl getting a facial, and I knew there were total pervs who like to spank a bare bottom girl, and I knew there were amateurs who made dirty movies, and professionals who made dirty movies…and that’s about it.

No way am I gay, so that’s pretty much all I knew about gay porn. Which is to say, I knew it existed, and that’s about it.

How things have changed: blow bangs and gang bangs and girls who blow smoke in your pathetic, small-dicked face; gaping assholes and eating assholes and handjobs and footjobs and throatjobs; pooping and peeing and donkey punches; barely-legals and MILFs and Cougars and cuckolds.

And how about those silly queers? Bears and bear cubs and twinks; leather daddies and piss daddies and barebacking; cruisy toilets and men in uniforms and meat jocks; DILFs and fisting and blacks on boys.

I can go on and on, which makes me a total perv, simply cause I know this shit well enough to cite it without having rely on Google…whether or not I look at any of it.

Which I don’t. Unless I’m shooting it.

So I might as well talk about pregnant interracial sex, cause I shot it, and cause the guys who are really into interracial sex really get into girls who get knocked up by black dudes, and cause this is a porno blog, and can you think of a better topic than this?

Ruth Blackwell is pregnant.

She’s still working; she’s still evil; she’s still mean; she’s still the Black Cock Queen.

Did I mention she’s pregnant?

It’s this sort of thing that’s gonna make her site blow up, and I suppose that’s a good thing. It’s real, too, so no need to e-mail and ask me that silly question.

She’s OK doing it, cause it turns her on, and I’m sure her fans are gonna love it, too. And Ruth will find herself more fans now that ever…and, I’m sure, a few haters, too.

Remember the line in Howard Stern’s biopic, Private Parts?

“But if they hate him, why do they listen?”

It never ceases to amaze me that almost all the hate mail from all the sites I shoot originate from the members’ area feedback form.

But if they hate it, why do they buy it?

Ruth Blackwell is pregnant, and we’re shooting her one-on-one with black dudes, and we’re shooting her as she brings in white girls to get cream-pied by black dudes in hopes for another pregnancy.

Cream-pie: another fetish in which the dude cums in the girl’s pussy, instead of pulling out and shooting it all over her face, tits, ass…whatever.

Oh, cream-pies are a gay fetish, too, except the load’s going into a man’s butthole; in fact, I was on a gay set once, and they were shooting dudes filling up each other’s rear-ends, and I overheard Bottom Boi moan, “Breed my hole” as Leather Daddy Top filled him to the brim.

We all know this sort of behavior in today’s day and age borders on deplorable, but if you ask any gay producer what sells like hotcakes, well…do I really have to answer?

Oh…hey! Did I mention Ruth’s pregnant?

I make these dumb resolutions after I’ve neglected my blog for a while; they start something like this:

Well, it’s been a couple weeks since I last updated, and I’ve been a lozt sod about updating since about 2005, so what I’m gonna do is every Monday morning I’m gonna wake up an hour early, brew up some tasty java, make an English Muffin and slather it with butter and jam, and write a whole bunch cause my readers deserved the very best I’ve got to offer each and every time they come to my blog.

Then, the next Monday, I’ll set my alarm early, and it’ll go off, and I’ll shut it off, think a bit my day and what I have to do and make up a time to blog later, and then turn over and go back to Snoozy Land.

I love Snoozy Land.

In Snoozy Land, sometimes I dream I’m married to Adrianna Nicole, and we’re this real cool Porno Couple and everyone wants to be just like us, or else they simply want to be us.

Sometimes in Snoozy Land I dream I’m the greatest lead guitarist in all The Land, and my fingers can do stuff only Eddie Van Halen’s can do…or Jimi Hendrix’s once did.

Then there’s times in Snoozy Land I set bench press world records without using steroids, or Jeff Tweedy comes over after a long day (for both of us) in our respective studios, where we’ll crack open a few beers and talk about his days in Uncle Tupelo and my days when I had a job which commanded respect and was full of honor and courage.

Often times I wake up from Snoozy Land hours after my alarm screamed at me to get up, and Maggie will be looking at me in this weird way that says wake up Master for I have to pee.

What now?

Oh! — Annette Schwartz.

Last Monday, which is to say just three short days ago, I was gonna wake up early and follow my new found formula for blogging success and consistency and write about the scene I shot recently for Blacks On Blondes featuring my new German Porno Pal Annette, cause I knew when I shot that motherfucker it was gonna be a gold medal winner, not cause I was shooting it mind you; nor cause my Homies Ice Cold and Jason Brown filled her butthole and vagina with their black monster dicks at the very same time; I knew it would end up being a top 5 ranked scene on the world’s greatest fucking interracial website simple because Annette Schwartz is the greatest fucking living porn star working the circuit today, and that’s the absolute truth.

I want to write poems about Annette Schwartz:

Oh Annette!
German Goo Girl Who
Drinks Cum and Piss at the same time
And can swallow Ice Cold’s
11 inch black dick
Much to His Amazement.

or maybe I’ll write Annette Schwartz haikus like:

Annette Schwatrz swallowed
52 loads in one scene. Will
You marry me Annette?

Of course I just cheated on that last line, cause if I remember my middle school education correctly, my haiku must have a first and last line of 5 syllables with a 7 syllable middle.

And finally, I just realized I’ve admitted to (somewhat) fantasizing about marrying two Porn Whores in today’s entry.

There’s something terribly wrong with me.