Monthly Archives: August 2006

random raves

THE DVD SERIES HAS BEGUN!

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Jacky Joy

Well they’ve arrived: Bachelor Pad Productions is proud to announce the world DVD debut of SPUNKMOUTH Volumes 1 & 2!

I know I’ve blogged about this is the past, but I’ll say it now, again – somehow, these DVD’s “validate” things…in a weird way. There’s always been this feeling that “internet porn” was sloppy, gonzoesque, poorly produced porn, while “DVDs” are a more exceptional product. And since they’re tangible, well…that makes them special.

I’ll stand behind these scenes – internet or DVD – even though some of them were the first scenes I’d ever shot. All I can say is damn…these really came out nicely. There’s things you can see on your TV that you can’t see in a file smooshed down to fit through an internet connection, and that’s about the only real difference between DVD’s and the internet, as far as I’m concerned.

That and the internet eliminates that pesky movie rental sales clerk – you know…the guy who knows all your kinks and perversions, even though you don’t want him to.

Volume One features: Riley Mason, as well as Meg (AKA Ryan Star), BJ Swallows, Lisa and Vicki Vette.

Man does Riley Mason look great in one of her first scenes ever! James Deen fucked her silly! And I almost forgot how sweet local amateurs BJ Swallows and Lisa were, and everyone knows Vicki Vette – her double-dicking will look great on your big screen TV!

Volume Two features: Spring Thomas and her very FIRST boy/girl scene, along with Brandi Lyons, Nadia, Savannah and Tina.

What can I say about Spring Thomas that I haven’t said before? Check out one of two non-interracial boy-girl scenes EVER. (We own the other one, too). Brandi Lyons gave us a super-gaped asshole – in addition to her spunked mouth; Nadia and Savannah are local amateurs that were in porn for a scene or two and the quick paycheck that came with it…and Tina was the one that “got away” – she showed up in Porn Valley, blew people away with the handful of scenes she shot, then, days later, virtually disappeared.

We went with Gamelink cause they’re stand-up folks and they’ll get your DVD’s to you with the same kind of speed and efficiency as those other large corporate entities you’ve probably done business with before. Which isn’t to say the only place you can buy these DVDs are at Gamelinlk; last time I checked, there were a handful of online retailers selling them, and if you don’t see them at your favorite store, ask the pesky movie rental sales clerk to order them both!!

Jacky Joy

TGP Action

The I Shoot Porn TGP

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T.G.P.

Thumbnail Gallery Posts. Every tightwad bastard’s cheap thrill.

The Hun. Pinkworld. VidVidVids. Thumbzilla. Gregpix. Whatever.

The cheapest guy I ever knew – to this day – was not only a friend of mine, but one of my landlords, too, and about a decade ago he came running over to my apartment cause he discovered The Hun.

“Dude, this is the greatest thing ever invented! Even better than the internet itself! The Hun!

FREE PORN!!!

I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I soon did, and sure enough – free porn…to a degree.

So, with that said, I think, from time to time, I’ll make ISP a TGP. I won’t do it a lot, and I’ll only TGP the scenes I’ve shot, and this way you can come to ISP and not have to read so much – you can just sit back, click, and jack.

10 links…cause while porn’s a good thing, too much free porn is a bad thing.

So enjoy.

You pervert. You dirty cheap bastard.

Enjoy.

1) Kaylynn eats some ass. One of the few girls left in the porno circuit I used to watch before I got into this silly game.

2) Pics of Chelci Fox in her yellow jammies. And out of them, too.

3) Allyson Whyte gets doubled donged.

4) Alicia Angel jacks a dong. Or a dick. Or a ding. Your call.

5) Spunkmouth Kimmy. JOMG Kimmy. Kimmy Kimmy. Cause, in my book, Kimmy rules. So why not see her on all the sites?

6) Solomon strokes his massive dick. It’s not gay if you’re alone, right?

7) Eva Angelina blows for dough. For cash. For greenbacks. Cause that’s about the only way she’ll ever blow you.

8) It happened at Dogfart’s Secret Mansion, a long time ago.

9) Spring Thomas take a massive facial in a gloryhole.

10) Speaking of gloryholes, here’s a cute little blonde Russian gal stepping up to the plate.

Chelci Fox, Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star

Chelci Fox

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Chelci Fox

Jimmy H. called me up and asked to use my studio. He had shot his out, and he really wanted a fresh look for his shoot that was about to go down.

“Who are you shooting?” I asked.

“Chelci Fox,” he replied.

Oh, Chelci Fox. I know her well. Well, not in a literal sense. I shot her first for Spunkmouth – here’s some free Spunkmouth Chelci Fox movies. And we struck up a fast friendship right away. In fact, after we wrapped with her Spunkmouth shoot, we talked for a while. I told her if she wanted to be a porn star, she needed a last name. She agreed, and I asked if I had any ideas.

She didn’t – but I did.

Fox – cause that’s what she is. A fox. Of course Chelci wasn’t alive in the 70’s, but I was, and any hot girl in, say, 1978, was a fox. Hot girls in 1973 were foxes, too. So where hot girls in 1977.

Farrah Fawcett was a total fox. Cheryl Tiegs? Fox. In fact, any one of the (subsequent 5) Charlie’s Angels was a fox, as was Suzanne Somers (early jacking material for me was Suzanne on that 3’s Company set with her hard nips poking through those skimpy-sheer bra/t-shirts she wore), Goldie Hawn, Jodie Foster (late 70’s more than, say, Taxi Driver Jodie Foster), Lynda Carter, Kristy McNichol, Brooke Shields (super fox, although a bit young, but I’m her age, as I was then, so it’s OK for a 14 year old to refer to another as a fox), Pam Grier, or Barbi Benton.

All stone cold foxes.

Not a hottie. Or a heet. Or a babe.

A fox.

Chelci Fox. And no, not Foxx, or (god no!) Foxxx.

“How about Chelci Fox?”

She agreed. She really agreed. So much so she even sat down on my laptop that moment and got her yahoo e-mail – chelcifox.

So, fast forward to Jimmy H. and his shoot with Chelci Fox. She walked in, foxier than ever, and we hugged, and caught up on things, and she told me this was “it”.

“It?” I asked.

“I’m all done doing hardcore. It’s just not for me.”

I didn’t blame her – and I still don’t blame her. Working the porno circuit as a hardcore show isn’t for everyone…in fact, it isn’t for most.

“What are you going to do?”

“I dunno. Softcore stuff. Solo. That sort of thing.”

“Hard getting those kind of jobs on a regular basis,” I said.

But she already knew what.

I went back to work as Jimmy H. snapped away. I walked about and took a long look at Chelci. For my money, she had the best tits in the business, but would those tits be able to sustain a site – a solo girl site? Plus, she had done hardcore work already. Not a lot – in fact, very little…maybe a softcore solo site featuring Chelci Fox? Could something like that make any money? Or, generate enough to keep her employed, and make it worth my while – as well as hers? Plus, I had heard about all the scary stories about solo girl sites: their ridiculous demands, their flaky bullshit attitudes, their bad behavior…would that happen to me?

Only one way to find out.

After Jimmy H. wrapped with Chelci Fox, we had a little talk. Then, a few days later, another one.

Ridiculous demands. Flaky bullshit attitudes. Bad behavior.

Would that happen to me?

Chelci Fox

Jayma Reed, Super Fun E-mails

Super fun e-mails.

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Barbie Cummings

SR writes:

I just want to start off by saying how much I have enjoyed your work on Blacks on Blondes, Spring Thomas, Gloryhole and Spunk Mouth.

I am curious, I haven’t seen where BoB has been updated, atleast from the preview page, and I was wondering if either Barbie Cummings, Kaci Star, or Jayma Reed were going to show up on there?

Thanks, and keep up the good work,

SR

Hey SR!

Thanks man. I gotta tell you, getting fan mail is the highlight of my day. Really, it is. It’s almost better than anything else that happens during my waking hours, except maybe the (rare) times I get sex.

They’re all up, except Kaci Starr. Check out Barbie Cummings! Isn’t she fuckin’ hot? Man, she’s a blast to work with. She truly loves sex, and she loves being a porn star, and she loves getting pounded by black dick, and it shows in all the work she does…whether I’m behind the camera or not. She gets railed by Brian Pumper and Jason Brown for her BOB scene…and takes two loads right in her sweet pie hole.

And there’s Jayma! What can I say about the lovely Jayma Reed I haven’t alread said? And what a scene! The scenario, you ask? Max Black is a “celebrity” and with his “posse” at a local museum. Max has no idea why his posse brought him to a museum, and they try to explain to Max that he’s there simply because they feel he needs a little culture in his life. Jayma, a college student studying Egyptology, stumbles upon Max and The Homies, and they’re being rude and obnoxious, and Jayma has to ask them, more that one, to quiet down so she can get some work done.

Do I need to tell you what kind of work gets done next?

And honestly, I don’t recall if I shot Kaci Starr for BOB yet, but I think I did. As of today it’s not in the BOB member’s area. I know she’s a gloryhole girl for sure, and I think Kaci is one of the most underrated girls working the porno circuit right now.

Check out the scenes…all of them. On all the sites. They turned out great – and trust me, it’s all because of them – there’s not much to my silly job at all.

Your pal – Billy

Jayma Reed

random raves

Porn Statistics Redux

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Jayma Reed

It’s that time again. I dipped into my referrer stats, which is where I find out what people type into search engines to get to I Shoot Porn, and once again, um…I’m amazed.

You know I’ve done this a few times in the past. And to reiterate, I don’t edit, change, or manipulate these search engine phrases in any shape or form…here’s the exact words and phrases people typed into Google, or Yahoo, or whatever search engine they use, and found my blog:

“send nudes or i shoot the fucking cat pics” – I think people go out to bars, or do pub crawls, or drink and dance, or just drink a lot, maybe smoke a whole bunch of dope, then come home drunk (and alone) and go right to Google to see what they can find to pleasure themselves to. And the drunker they are, the funkier they get with their searches. I think phrase defends my case perfectly.

“300 pound porn girls” – BBW’s are hugely popular…and please pardon the pun. I could never figure out BBW’s. (Remember that popular phrase from the 80’s – “No Fat Chicks”?) I just don’t see the attraction with fat girls. But, in fact, the more I’m in this business, the more I figure out I don’t know anything about anything. (By the way, if you didn’t know it, “BBW” is a “Big, Beautiful Woman”)

“gloryhole do s and don ts” – Well, I’ve shot enough of these to know. Bascially just understand that when (and mostly IF) you’re lucky enough to stumble upon a real gloryhole, and IF there’s a mouth on the other side to suck your weiner, it will be, in all likelihood, a dude’s mouth. Check out Katie Thomas sucking at the hole. She might be able to tell you more…but like I said, just don’t expect a Katie Thomas on the other end of your hole.

“does butthole really have a taste?” – I’ll admit I’ve chowed on a girl’s butt. I’ve done it more than once. In my personal experiences there was no taste…which, I think, is a good thing. You’d have to ask Veronica Rayne here…or any girl that’s been on Eat Some Ass…and see what they say, though. Taryn Thomas said she loved the taste of a man’s ass – for whatever it’s worth.

“dick size is not important” – I hate to break the news to you, but dick size is important, and if you’re girl is telling you otherwise, then you have a small dick. But hey, at least she stills loves you.

“catch aids from blowjob” – This kinda relates to the anonymous dick sucking gloryhole thing, a bit, but also to sex in general. Here’s something I found from AVERT.org, and I’ll assume they’re the experts on this topic: “The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.” Which is to say, I think, no one knows…cause no one’s ever caught HIV from just a blowjob. Oh, and here’s Katie Thomas again, if you want more free gloryhole movies.

“do blacks really have bigger dicks“ No. They don’t. Really. They don’t. And no, I’m not jealous…or pissed…or anything at all.

“talk girlfriend into taking cum on face“ – I’d have a serious sit-down with her. Don’t just blurt out hey honey, I’d like to blast you in the face!! Start out your serious conversation with things that turn you on, and creep this one in. I mean “creep it in” by starting with things you’ve already done, and how much they turned you on, and how much SHE turns you on, then spring this one on her. Tell her how much you’d love to spray her face with your man goo (just don’t use those words), and offer up a compromise. Something along the lines of “if you’ll let me cum on your face, you can do ____”. Include things other than sexual acts, too…like presents, money, or babysitting the kid while she takes the week to go to an exotic locale somewhere in the South Pacific – cause that’s what it might take to let you glue her eyes shut.

“what does it look like inside womens buttholes” – the same as it looks inside a man’s butthole. And yes, I’ve seen inside both, and no, I’m not gay. No Way Am I Gay!

“how many times can you shoot your cum load” – Depends on various things, really…mostly age (the younger you are the more you can) and time in between loads. When I was 25, 4 or 5 pops wasn’t out of the question; now I’m super lucky to squeeze out two…and the second one ain’t anything like the first. Isn’t getting old fun?

“jayma jameson porn star” – Oh my, someone’s very confused! But I can see how. It’s JENNA Jameson, not Jayma Jameson. Besides, the only girl I know named Jayma is a super intelligent, super sexy, witty conversationalist – someone you’d want to get to know, not just bang; she’s also a very attractive, committed girl who happens to be a Jack Mormon Indigo Child and radiates such a positive energy flow it’ll make your head spin. And she happens to have the last name of Reed.

Or Reid.

Or Ried.

And I’ll take her over Jenna Jameson any day.

Jayma Reed

Super Fun E-mails

Super fun e-mails.

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Super Minion

The Priest writes:

Hoya, Billy.

Always enjoy your posts. Was wondering about chicks getting preggers in porno land? There must be a tacit understanding that pretty much no one wants kids, and that things are/will be taken care of. I can’t imagine that a porno chick would want to have a child that may have been the result of getting it on with an angry pack of 5-10 negroes. So do the dudes have their shit crimped/cut/soldered, or do the chicks have standing accounts at planned parenthood?

Dear Priest:

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t know any of these dudes who are crimped or cut or soldered – and no, most of the girls I’ve had the pleasure to work with are not protected.

Condoms? Surely you jest.

And The Pill? Well, there’s a huge problem with The Pill. lt makes girls gain weight, and that’s no good; in fact, it’s horrible. I mean really…are you kidding me? GAIN WEIGHT?! Things like the Green House Effect and $4 a gallon gas prices and cancer and Somalia and Hezbollah and Angry Jews aren’t as bad as weight gain to these girls.

Some of them have the ring-thing in their pussies, and a very few get the shot – but not many, cause the shot makes them gain weight. Which means most of these sillies are walking on set with no protection at all…even when they’re working with all those angry negroes.

Which is ok, right? Cause let’s face it – the load ends up on their face nine times out of ten. And who in the world wants to risk gaining weight in this day and age!?

Guess what, Priest? There’s also no weight gain from day-after pills and abortions.

Which brings up another thing I totally spaced on: popping The Pill on a daily basis requires just that – doing something on a daily basis. Which, for a lot of porno girls, is a very difficult thing to do. It requires commitment and memory. Stability. That sort of thing. Traits which aren’t very common amongst them.

So there you have it.

On a completely unrelated note, take a look at Jayma Reed. No, she has nothing to do with unprotected sex, or anything related to your e-mail (or my reply) whatsoever. Honest. I just wanna say – isn’t she fuckin’ smokin’ hot!? Imagine this, too – she has a brain! And can hold conversation!

Interesting conversation.

I also like having a picture on my blog – usually one that somehow ties in to what I’m writing about, and while I could illustrate today’s blog with almost every girl I’ve ever shot – including one that’s even 8 months along right now – somehow, it wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do.

Instead, Jayma Reed. Cause you probably know right now I’m very fond of her.

Ah, Jayma Reed!

Oh! Jayma Reed.

Your pal – Billy

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

It Was Love From The Moment She Tasted His Brown Eye

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Taryn Thomas

Things have been slow in Porn Valley, cause, well…it’s the slow time of the year. For models, anyway. So when Taryn Thomas called me up for work, I wasn’t all that surprised. From time to time we keep in touch: we’re both from the same place, and we’ve known each other for years, and we know a lot of the same people, so every few months one of us will ring the other up just to say hi – or whatever.

Anyway, Taryn called for some work, and of course I’ll find work for her, cause she’s Taryn Thomas, and she kicks a whole lotta ass, and I did: we started with a Taryn Thomas hand job, then went on to a scene I’m not really going to talk about now cause the time isn’t right (new site, new fetish…and too new to show you anything, anyway) and we finished our work day with Taryn eating some ass.

I might as well talk about J. Sinn, too.

He had been living in the green room of our studio for a while, cause he was in between places, or maybe looking for a place to crash cause he was running low on funds – I really don’t have any idea, cause I don’t ask him those sorts of questions; however, I will ask him questions about his sister, Bella Donna, or about how his work is going at Shane’s World, or about Mormonism, cause he’s a Jack Mormon, and there’s nothing more I love to do more than bag on Joey Smith and Brigham Young and those lovable kooks who call themselves The Latter Day Saints.

J.’s been asking for work, too, and I’ve been giving it to him – mostly as male talent for Eat Some Ass. He loves to get his butt munched, and I can’t say the same thing for most of the Porno Dudes in Porno Land. I think it’s mainly cause there’s something covertly gay about a guy getting in, say, doggy position, and letting a chick lick his brown eye. Maybe it has to do with it being a submissive thing. I dunno. But booking a scene for Eat Some Ass isn’t as easy as booking a scene for Spunkmouth, or JOMG, or anything else I book.

But J. Sinn takes the work, so I give it to him. Taryn licked his butt, and all went well, and it was a good scene…but something more came of it. Cause lately, J. Sinn hasn’t been living in the green room at my studio anymore. That’s because a special sort of connection happened that day Taryn cleaned J. Sinn’s dumper with her tounge…something special indeed. Perhaps it’s that intimate feeling two people share when one of them is licking the other’s tooshy. Anyway, J. Sinn is gone, and word has it Taryn Thomas’s apartment smells the same way our green room did after J. Sinn would finish drinking one of his hi-fiber protein shakes.

I think I’ll leave it at that. I never intended for my blog to be a place for gossip, or to spread rumors, or news, or anything else for that matter.

In fact, lately I have no idea what my intentions are with this blog.

Taryn Thomas

drama

My Lunch With Makenzie Wilson (A Play in 3 Acts) by Billy Watson

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ACT I

(A driveway in an average neighborhood. We see two people walking to a car. BILLY is a tall, husky middle-aged male. MAKENZIE is a younger woman, petite, in her early 20’s. Billy stops in front of the car – a brand new car – and holds his hands out as if to show it off to Makenzie)

BILLY

Well, what do you think?

MAKENZIE
(annoyed)

I fuckin’ hate it. It’s obvious you don’t care about the Earth.

BILLY

So let me see if I have this straight – I don’t care about the Earth based solely on the car I drive.

MAKENZIE

Fuckin’ A right buddy!

(They get into the car and drive away.)

ACT II

(We’re in a crowded Middle Eastern restaurant. Billy and Makenzie are finishing up their lunch. Actually, Billy is finishing his lunch, as Makenzie didn’t order anything to eat. It’s a small place, and loud, and the service has been terrible. There is no waiter in sight. In fact, other than the customers, there’s no one in sight)

MAKENZIE

I think I like a boy.

BILLY
(not paying attention as he eats)

Uh-huh.

MAKENZIE
(angry)

How come you never pay any attention to whatever it is I’m saying!

BILLY

I always pay attention to what you’re saying. You said you like a boy. But I have something better to tell you.

MAKENZIE

Oh really? And it is…

BILLY

I went to a whore party last night. I know this guy who runs an escort agency. He throws these parties. All the whores who work for him come and mingle with The Lonely Hearts Club they refer to as “clients”. Or, better yet, “hobbyists”.

MAKENZIE

The whore mongers call themselves hobbyists?

BILLY

That rules, huh?

MAKENZIE

That totally rules! What in the world were you doing there?

BILLY

My friend who owns the agency is trying to hook me up with escorts that might want to do porn. I tried to tell him that most whores will never be porn stars, although most porn stars are whores…or, most porn stars will eventually become whores.

MAKENZIE

That makes total sense. Anyways, I like a boy. But he doesn’t know I’ve done pornos. I don’t think I should tell him. I mean I hate to lie, but if he doesn’t ever ask me, I don’t think I should just offer up that sort of information to him. I know if I tell him, he’ll break up with me right away. But if I don’t tell him, well…that makes me a liar, and he’ll break up with me right away if he ever finds out. What do you think I should do?

BILLY

Tell him, of course.

MAKENZIE

No fuckin’ way!

BILLY

OK, then don’t tell him. And better hope he never finds out.

MAKENZIE

He won’t find out. And if he does I’ll just deny it.

BILLY
(finshing his meal)

Then that makes you a liar.

MAKENZIE
(exhales deeply)

Oh, I know! Shit. Sometimes I think I’m a bad person and I’m just gonna end up alone for the rest of my life.

BILLY
(getting up to leave)

I’m in the same Catch-22. Normal girls won’t have a thing to do with me once they find out I direct dirty movies for a living. And who in the fuck wants to date a crazy porno chick? I’m flying solo for the rest of this adventure…that’s for sure…hey, where the fuck is our waiter?

MAKENZIE
(annoyed)

Who fuckin’ knows. This place has got to have the worst wait staff I’ve ever seen. Let’s get out of here before I go crazy.

(They both leave, but Billy can’t pay the bill, because there no one is around to take any money. So he tosses a 20 dollar bill on the table as he pushes in his chair).

ACT III

(Billy is driving, Makenzie’s in the passenger’s seat)

MAKENZIE
(turning down the air conditioner)

So what the fuck do you call this?

BILLY

An FJ.

MAKENZIE

And who makes it?

BILLY

Toyota.

MAKENZIE

Well, you’re destroying the Earth driving this around. I think it’s totally irresponsible of you to buy this big hunk of shit, and if I were you I’d take it back and get something more friendly to our environment. Like a hybrid or something.

BILLY

But I don’t drive more than 10 miles a day. My office is right around the corner from my house. And Toyota is the leader in hybrid technology, and they’re making a committment to developing hybrids throughout the 21st century. They’re the leaders in hybrid cars, and by buying this I’m supporting a company that cares about our environment; hence, color me green!

MAKENZIE
(silent for a minute as she thinks)

Well I still hate it.

BILLY

Hey, I have a blow job scene for my new clip store. It’s a totally quickie BJ thing, no stills, and I promise it won’t take more than 10 minutes.

MAKENZIE

Who do I get to blow?

BILLY

How about me? I’ll POV it. And I get to nut in your face. The BJ guys love that shit…when you’ve got nut all in your face.

MAKENZIE

RIGHT ON! I’m all over that! When can we do it?

THE END.