I Shoot Porn: You’re about done with the porno game. In fact, I just shot your last two B/G scenes today for Blacks on Blondes and Gloryhole. Only some G/G scenes for your site back home. So it’s safe to say you’ve officially retired?

Kerry Louise: Yes. It’s been a hectic, mad two years. I’m in England, then I’m in America. Non-stop. Lots of slutty porn and massive dicks. Lots of dead children, too. That’s what I call spunk…it’s my beautiful saying. “Dead Children”.

ISP: Do you feel porn exploited you for the last two years of your life? Or, as Johnny Rotten said to the crowd at the “last” Sex Pistols show — do you feel cheated?

KL: No way! I’ve gotten to travel, explore my sexuality, and live a life I wouldn’t have been able to live.

ISP: I love it when girls leave this business with positive experiences.

KL: I don’t have any regrets in life. Everything I’ve done has made me who I am. Porn’s been able to put me on the path to open my own gym and become a personal trainer, which is what I’ve always wanted to do.

ISP: In other words, porn didn’t exploit you…you exploited porn.

KL: Exactly. I’ve used it to get where I want in life.

ISP: It’s so funny how many girls get into this business to do just that…then squander their money and figure out a way this business has turned them into a “victim”. What made you want to open and gym and be a personal trainer?

KL: I like to help people and enable them to look and feel good about themselves. Also, my goal is to be a competitive bodybuilder.

ISP: What turned out to be your favorite scene over the last two years?

KL: The humiliation stuff. I did a Cum Disgrace scene with Porn Pros that is one of my favs. I love getting messy and being filthy. The extreme stuff.

ISP: What’s your damage?

KL: I have zero damage. I wasn’t sexually abused or raped growing up. People say this on Twitter, and I find that silly. So because someone has a sexually-oriented job means they were abused as a child? That’s bullshit.

ISP: What’s something a partner can do that pleases you almost all the time?

KL: I like rough sex. I like to be choked out and spat upon. I just like to be treated like a slut while I’m being fucked. I like it when my partner upsets me during sex; for example I like rape sex. Dragging me around. Being called filthy names. All that. It’s funny how this business makes you have crazy sexual desires. Normal sex is standard, everyday, twice-a-day sex. Like work sex.

ISP: Work sex?

KL: Like being at work. Being on a porn set.

ISP: What do you get out of blogging?

KL: I find it as my way of letting out everything I think. I like to let people know what I’m up to.

ISP: What do you get out of Twitter?

KL: I get to voice my opinion…quite a lot. And when people piss me off, I get to tell them about it. I love to tell The Keyboard Warriors off when they say something about porn girls.

ISP: Why are British girls so fuckin’ filthy?

KL: We just are. Do you think we’re more filthy than American girls?

ISP: Absolutely. I think all European girls are.

KL: I think all European girls are filthy. You’re right. I think the Eastern Europeans are filthier than the all of us. And I have no idea why.

ISP: I bet it has something to do with the cold weather. While you were in porn, what couldn’t I book you for?

KL: Anal.

ISP: How come?

KL: I don’t do it on set, but I do it in my private life. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to handle the guys’ dicks in porn up my ass.

ISP: What’s something no one’s ever asked you before?

KL: I don’t know. That’s suck a broad question.

ISP: How do you prefer your eggs?

KL: Perfect! No one’s ever asked me that before in a porno interview. I’m always up for randomness! I like my eggs fried.

ISP: You’re developing a site. What’s makes it different from all the other solo/porno girl sites out there?

KL: It’s a messy sex site. Lotsa food while fucking. The messy stuff…but I need ideas for my site!

The Minion: Stay away from maple syrup.

KL: OK! So mustard, ketchup, ice cream?

The Minion: Ice cream sounds good right about now.

ISP: I’ve got an average, 6 inch ween. Any way I can stick it up your bum?

KL: Nooo! You probably can’t afford my ass anyway.

I Shoot Porn: Do you wanna talk about Eden Sinclair?

Helly Mae Hellfire: Nawwww. I feel a lot better now. Back then I was a flat-chested little thing. I did all the teen stuff and college girls blahblahblah.

ISP: And now you’re Helly Mae Hellfire.

HMH: Yep. I was in retirement, living by the beach in Redondo, and I started DJ’ing for fun. I wasn’t really doing anything else…except being a trophy wife. The DJ gigs led me to an offer to be in a band called Rocks Stars on Mars. I really think Charlie Sheen lifted that comment “I’m a rock star on Mars” from us. We were all like Wwwwhhhhatttt!?! We’d been going by that name since 2006.

ISP: What was your role in the band?

HMH: I was the DJ. It was almost like old White Zombie meets old Marilyn Manson with a bit of Ministry tossed in. Industrial metal.

ISP: How does that progress to porn?

HMH: Well, I was already getting fucked on camera as Eden Sinclair, and I liked the job. It’s a good job. Porn gives me the freedom to do creative things. Plus, it’s a good promotional tool.

ISP: How long have you been Helly Mae? And how did you invent the name?

HMH: I got back into the industry in January. It’s been really good so far. I starred as Lady Gaga for Hustler’s This Ain’t Lady Gaga XXX. It’s not out yet…it’ll be released this summer. As far as my name, the lead singer for Rocks Stars on Mars, London LeGrand, gave me the name Helly Mae Hellfire. It’s a spin-off of Ellie Mae from The Beverly Hillbillies…cause Rocks Stars on Mars were redneck hillbilly vampires.

ISP: What did they having you do as Lady Gaga?

HMH: They recreated a couple of her videos — “Telephone” was one of them — and we did the Larry King interview.

ISP: Did you have to fuck Larry King?

HMH: Yea! Scott Lyons played Larry. They aged him with make-up. He looked just like Larry King. They did some really cool stuff with him. Ron Jeremy was in it as well.

ISP: Where did Larry King launch his load?

MHM: On my sunglasses! I was wearing them through the whole scene and he blew on them! That happened twice in the movie.

ISP: What else you wanna talk about?

HMH: I’m gonna be pushing my own solo-DJ’ing. I DJ Electro House and Dub Step. You can check my sets over at Soundcloud.

ISP: Are you a Tweeter?

HMH: I am a Tweeter!

ISP: How can I incorporate a joke about woofers?

HMH: Like a sub-woofer?

ISP: Exactly. I don’t think there are any woofer jokes. If I was gonna take you out for a nice dinner, with the hopes of getting in your undies later, what’s my sure-fire dinner?

HMH: Damn. I’m such a simple girl. In-and-Out Burger. I loovvveee In-and-Out! I don’t like to waste time on food. I wanna cut to the chase.

ISP: How do you take your burger?

HMH: Protein style! With fries and a Diet Coke! I’m an all-American girl from Canada.

ISP: You are?

HMH: Yep. I’m from Toronto.

ISP: Go Maple Leafs?

HMH: I was cheering for The Canucks in the last playoffs. They lost. Game 7. Then, the riot.

ISP: What’s the better gig — an all-interracial gang bang or a 30 minute set at EDC?

HMH: I’d say an all-interracial gang bang at EDC! Yes, I have fucked behind the DJ booth.

ISP: Please elaborate.

HMH: I dunno. The mood struck me. I was at a rave. There was about 10,000 people in the audience. Um…this ahhh…I dunno. There was this cute little raver boy…and, uh, and he asked to come in to my booth. I did…on the condition he go down on me while I spun. He finger-fucked me while he ate my pussy. And after my set I kicked him out. (Laughs). Thanks! Your job is done!

ISP: What’s the best ingredient on pizza?

HMH: Pineapple. It makes my pussy taste great afterwards.

ISP: When’s the last last time you ate some Pineapple Pizza?

HMH: Last night.

ISP: Time to test out your theory! Let me show you to the private area in my studio…where all the magic happens.

HMH: Ha-ha. (How can I intonate the sarcasm in her lovely voice here?)

I Shoot Porn: Um…so what’s new with Miss Tanner Mayes?

Tanner Mayes: Well, I feel great. I thought I was gonna quit porn and get married. I was with LA Direct, and slowly the work was slowing down. I was in Michigan for a little bit, observing that life…and engaged. I decided that place wasn’t for me. I just started shooting again with Porno Dan. I still might get married, but no Michigan. That’s for sure.

ISP: So you’re sober.

TM: Right. I’ve been sober six months. Three months. Five months. Feels like a long time. Forever. Not forever.

ISP: Would you say sobriety is a struggle?

TM: It definitely is. I drove around for a while before I got to your studio, just in circles, frightened. Nervs. I was really nervous. I wasn’t loaded. In the old days I used to party before a scene cause it made me feel good. I still smoke pot…I mean…I dunno how to explain it.

ISP: Do you need drugs to do porn?

TM: No. I don’t wanna party before I go do a scene. I don’t need it. I don’t wanna show up and look like the asshole. I want to continue in the adult biz, too.

ISP: You showed up on time today. Sober. Ready to work.

TM: Thanks.

ISP: What was your drug of choice?

TM: Crystal meth. And it’s still weed.

ISP: My question’s always been, with what we all know about serious drugs, why does someone take that first hit?

TM: I was actually out, shooting a scene, and after we’re all sitting there partying, and in the course of a porn career you run into those things. From there it’s just a matter of what you wanna do, and I’m always up for anything. “Hey, you wanna hit this?” and I said sure. I stayed up that whole night partying. GHB and speed. This was a director’s place, and we’re all hanging out and making money and having fun…but then it eventually spins out of control. Now I miss so much that drugs prevented me from having. I really feel one of the reasons I’m not a top girl is I prevented myself from letting it happen. I’m not trying to sound conceited, but drugs took me to my bottom. I was so paranoid.

ISP: So no more YouTube vids of Tanner Mayes throwing a fit and being escorted out of the building?

TM: Right! I’m a firm believer that I’m always right. (Starts to laugh.) No! I’m kidding. I was loaded on set that day, and you know what? I didn’t learn anything. Cause it just got worse. I was missing scenes and showing up late…if at all. That just wasn’t me. I was driven by fear. I’m afraid of rejection, and drugs are like a Superman cape.

ISP: How long you been in the biz now?

TM: 3 years. I’m 22. My first scene was for the Score Group. I think it was T & A Tryouts.

ISP: What’s your best scene?

TM: I liked My Teen Swallows from Vince Vouyer.

ISP: What’s gonna happen for the rest of 2011?

TM: Hopefully I’m working on a porno set.

ISP: You don’t have an agent.

TM: I like agents…I just don’t want to be that floating talent who’s been with every agent in the business. I started with Jim South, then Shy Love, then LA Direct. I wouldn’t really know who to go with now.

ISP: Are you even ready to have an agent? Are you ready to start getting calls for work?

TM: Definitely. I love this business. Every day is different. I was so scared of it for a while. Can’t it be scary and intimidating?

ISP: Absolutely. I could never be male talent. I could take that call from some director dude I’ve never met telling me to be on his set to fuck some girl I may or may not be attracted to and open up for camera during sex and go through stills and have to keep a boner the whole time. No way.

TM: I know. It’s so much different than posing in front of a mirror or dancing in front of it. You know I put all these mirrors in my house and I lived in front of them. That’s crazy! It’s what drugs will do. I needed to know what I looked like. Super vain. Super crazy.

ISP: What else are you working on?

TM: PlanetTanner.com. There’s nothing there yet, but it’s a work in progress. I tweet, too.

ISP: What’s your favorite fast food combo?

TM: McDonald’s #2 no cheese ketchup only with a Diet Coke.

ISP: Do you like your bacon chewy and not-too-well-done — or crispy and crunchy?

TM: Depends on who’s making it. I guess I like it kinda soggy.

ISP: What movie can you watch over and over and never get tired of?

TM: Easy A.

ISP: What song can you listen to over and over and never get tired of?

TM: Lupe Fiasco…um, what is it? [A few hours after she left, Tanner txt'd me: "The song is called The Show Goes On".]

ISP: I dunno Lupe Fiasco. Do you know Wilco?

TM: No.

ISP: Does size matter?

TM: Only for looks.

ISP: What panties do you wear in your private life?

TM: Depends on what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing a dress then I wear little shorts. It also depends on where I’m going.

ISP: I heard you have a thing for older men.

TM: I do!

ISP: I’m 47. Does that mean I’m in?

TM: Perfect! I like ‘em floatin’ around 50.

ISP: Would that be The Daddy Issue living inside your head?

TM: I’ve resolved The Daddy Issue. Jesus Saves!

ISP: Are you for real right now? Can we talk about this?

TM: OK!

ISP: When did you get saved?

TM: A few months ago.

ISP: How do you deal with the conflicting moral issue of your theology and being in porn? And would you go as far as to say you’re a Jesus Freak?

TM: At first I thought I would have to be a Jesus Freak. That’s another reason I was out of porn. I thought I was gonna quit. That’s what initially started the binge drug use. How I felt internally about porn. I thought it was a bad thing. I was already sexually active, and I really needed money…so I got in. Then, after I got in, it was kinda like a current, in a way like a current is…you can’t control things…the fans, getting booked. I was young, too. And we’re all sinners. I love myself and I share and I give. It’s not all taking. Before, when I was on drugs, I was a taker. Now, I’m giving. I want to share my body with people who really appreciate it. Accept the love. I used to run from it. Now I embrace.

ISP: So are we all gonna go to hell cause we’re in porn?

TM: Not at all. Being saved means you’re going to Heaven.

ISP: If you go into the bathroom and you blow my floatin’-around-50-year-old wee wee, we’re still good for Heaven?

TM: Um…right. We have choices.

The Minion (who’s been here the whole time, editing and listening to the interview): Time to prove it!