All posts by Billy Watson

Poppin’ Sperm with The Hammer.

Mali Meyers
Mali Meyers
In 1975, I learned to beat off by watching a kid called “The Hammer” do it in a fort made from refrigerator boxes behind an apartment complex that was under construction — but close to being finished. I was 11 years old, and I wasn’t the only one there. It was a circle jerk, and there were 5 or 6 of us — maybe more, cause that’s part of the memory I can’t recall exactly…but it’s something I’ll never forget. Just like you’ll never forget the way you learned how to masturbate.

Looking back at it now, I wish beating off was something I just kinda stumbled upon, which I think is the way most girls learn how to masturbate…but I could be wrong about that. Instead, on a nice day after school, I hauled ass to the apartment complex after dumping my school stuff in my room. It was directly across the street from where I lived, which was a suburb on the east side of Chicago.

We all hauled ass, because we walked home from school in a group, and everyone saw the immense pile of boxes piled high near the complex on our way home. It was a mountain of boxes, enough to make The Biggest Fort of All Time. Within an hour, we had The Great Room, various wings that lead to smaller rooms; there were even enough boxes to create an outer wall, and we were certain that outer wall would protect us from any and all dirt clods — cause we knew it was only a matter of time before we came under attack.

Instead of dirt clods, it was The Hammer who came crashing in. He was a freshman in high school, but we all knew he was held back a grade or two. He made us nervous, cause the rumor was he belonged to The Burnham Boys, and no one messed with them. Ever. We’d never met a real Burnham Boy, but no one dared asked The Hammer if he belonged to that gang. And we didn’t ask him why he wanted us all in The Great Room, but when he told us to get in there, we did.

And he wasted no time: “You guys wanna watch me pop sperm?”

I had no idea what he was talking about, and I don’t think my friends did, either. But we all nodded yes. So he pulled out his dick, and suddenly I felt an overwhelming urge to cry. But no way am I gonna cry in front of my friends — and certainly not in front of The Hammer. So we all sat there, kinda dumbstruck. “Come on you guys, do it with me!”

I watched for a few minutes more before scrambling out. I ran home as hard as I could run, and as I looked over my shoulder, I saw I was the only one. I also saw The Hammer had a whole bunch of hair between his legs, and his wiener was gigantic. What was that all about?

So that night, sitting in the tub while Aqua Man floated by, I tried to pop sperm. And the only thing that happened was the worst headache I’d ever experienced. It was obvious to me then that Jesus was punishing me for that dirty behavior, so I stopped right away and told Him I was sorry. But it sure did feel good before my head started to hurt, so it was only a few weeks later before I attempted to pop sperm again, which I managed to accomplish that day. I walked around for weeks waiting for something bad to happen to me, cause I was certain Jesus knew what I was up to.

No one ever spoke a word about what went down in the fort, and not too long after all this went down, and I was popping sperm on a regular basis, I found a book in a dumpster. I was in the dumpster looking for beer cans, which was the first thing I ever collected, and I was obsessed beer cans. The book was a pulp novel called Come Swim in my Hole, and on the cover an older, bikini-clad lady sat by a pool watching a younger dude jump off the diving board. At least that’s how I remember it, and now that I collect pulp porno novels, I always look out for it. Cause it was my first masturbation fodder. Before Come Swim in my Hole, I have no idea what went through my head while I was poppin’ sperm, cause I don’t remember. It was just something that felt good.

Four years later, I’d see my first hardcore porno, which was projected up against a wall in my best friend’s older brother’s bedroom on a Super 8 projector. A woman named Seka fucked a dude named John C. Holmes, and his wiener was so big I thought it might be fake. We all laughed as the movie rolled. Since there was a crowd, I couldn’t pop sperm there, so I took the little poster that was folded up in the Swedish Erotica box the movie came in, slipped it into my pocket, and went to the bathroom to piss. Of course I had to announce I was simply going to piss, and no one cared or even looked up at me, cause they were all watching Seka get railed.

When I unfolded it, there were lots of pictures of women with sperm all over their faces, and they were smiling! I couldn’t believe a woman would ever let a man pop sperm on her face — let alone smile about it afterwards. I thought — Do women like that really exist?

Up to that point in my life, I hadn’t had sex yet, but an older girl named Diana I met at a Rodeo Parade would come over to my house “to do homework”, and she’d always wind up blowing me. And she’d always swallow. It never dawned on me to ask Diana if I could blast her face, and even after I saw Seka take that her facial, I’d never work up the courage to ask any of my girlfriends to do anything that naughty…until I was maybe 25 or 30. And never a girlfriend — always a random hook up.

Cause, up to that point in my life, that sort of shit didn’t happen in the real world — and certainly not in mine.

An Epigraph to A Book not yet Written.

_J3A4141 (1)From Wikipedia: “In literature, an epigraph is a phrase, quotation, or poem that is set at the beginning of a document or component. The epigraph may serve as a preface, as a summary, as a counter-example, or to link the work to a wider literary canon, either to invite comparison or to enlist a conventional context.”

Part of the reason I got into the Porno Biz was to write a book. I got out of grad school in ’98, and even though I had written a screenplay (which was sold), and a novel (that didn’t get published), and some short stories (a few of which ended up in some really little lit mags you’ve never heard of), I never considered myself a “writer”.

After grad school I taught, and I did consider myself a teacher. For close to four years I worked hard for tenure. When that didn’t happen, I got into the adult business. And when I broke that news to my mom, it went something like this: “hey, um…mom, so, um, since I didn’t get that tenured-track position at the community college which would have made you really proud, I’m gonna go ahead and start shooting smut for a site called Blacks on Blondes…but don’t worry, I’ll be out of the biz in a year, and then I’ll write a book all about it, and then you’ll be proud!”

Fourteen years later, I’m still shooting smut…and not ready to quit. But maybe it’s time to attempt a book? That means work, and work means time, and the older I get the more I truly realize the Value of Time. Whether it’s my time or your time, there ain’t a lot left. We all value our free time. I like to take pictures and read and look at art and listen to music and travel and all that would be way easier than attempting a book.

I tend to think in a linear fashion, which means if I attempt A Book, my brain thinks beginning / middle / end — in that order. And while I have vague ideas about all three of those things, it means lots of time — with no guarantees about anything other than a tiny slice of hard drive space on my laptop no longer available for pictures or music.

I’ve even got an idea for my book’s epigraph! One of my heroes once said: The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side. — Hunter S. Thompson

In my head, I’d have HST’s great quote, and then this, right below it: The music porno business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side. — Hunter S. Thompson Billy Watson

Witty, huh?

One small problem: HST never said it. He did say, “The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.” but that doesn’t quite work as well, which throws me off, and then I get blocked, and then I can’t write, which means I seriously doubt I can whip up the 100,000 words (give or take) it’ll take to get A Book done.

Did I mention no guarantees if I do manage get through it?

So who wants to meet in Denver September 2nd to catch the original Misfits play Riot Fest?

Behind the Scenes with Adria Rae — “Completely Raw”

Adria Rae arrived in Porn Valley via Michigan last month, and she’s already starting to make a name for herself. Producers — book Adria Rae! She’s punctual and loves her job. We first worked together on her scene from The Dick Suckers, and our members loved her…so much so it was a no-brainer to book her for ManoJob. Here’s some B.T.S. footage from ManoJob…just click on her pic. I call this “completely raw”, because she let me shoot before make-up. Enjoy. adria_raeISP