Check out Zoey Nixon’s boyfriend watching her work Stunt Cock for The Dick Suckers. That’s her real-life dude, and there she is, making their money.

On the surface, this is the true definition of “suitcase pimp”, but I know better. Cause a true suitcase pimp simply lives off his girlie; Zoey’s boyfriend is now calling himself “Chris Spooges” and is getting work in Porn Valley. In fact, in addition to getting turned on by his Sweety blowing Stunt Cock, he’s also working up a load, cause when it’s time for The Money Shot, Zoey’s gonna make a confession to my members: she’s such a cumslut one load all over her pretty, barely-legal face isn’t enough.

She’s gonna need two.

Would ya look at that happy couple! You couldn’t see, but Mr. Spooges toes were curling in delight. He was so happy watching his woman use her big natural titties, and allowing Stunt Cock to use them as if it were her vagina. And I didn’t even tell you that later on, Mister POV had his way with her, and Spooges did the same thing: stood off in the corner as Mister POV gained carnal knowledge of Zoey, and then, on cue, she summed him (again) to come empty his nut sac all over her face.

Two big ones in a single day for Mr. Spooges! (Oh, the sweet, sweet wine of youth.)

Mr. Spooges did earn his name that day…and his paycheck, too.

How’s that make you feel? Think you could do it? You know…watch your lady please another man? Would your brain melt down? Make ya wanna go mano-a-mano with the man being blown? Or banged?

All this cuckoldry talk reminds me of my undergrad years, as I sat in Chaucer class, listening to my professor lecture on The Miller’s Tale. Actually, looking back at it now, I have no Earthly idea how I sat through that fucking class, especially when our professor — in an obvious attempt to impress the girls in class — would actually lecture in Old English. I’m serious. We’d sit there and take notes on that shit, as if it was gonna ever come in handy once we passed his class. Ever hear the way English was spoken 800 years ago? It sounded something like this:

This Absolon doun sette hym on his knees
And seyde, “I am a lord at alle degrees;
For after this I hope ther cometh moore.
Lemman, thy grace, and sweete bryd, thyn oore!”
The wyndow she undoth, and that in haste.
“Have do,” quod she, “com of, and speed the faste,
Lest that oure neighebores thee espie.”
This Absolon gan wype his mouth ful drie.
Derk was the nyght as pich, or as a cole,
And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers
Ful savorly, er he were war of this.
Abak he stirte, and thoughte it was amys,
For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd
He felte a thyng al rough and long yherd,
And seyde, “Fy! allas! what have I do?”
“Tehee!” quod she, and clapte the wyndow to,
And Absolon gooth forth a sory pas.
“A berd! a berd!” quod hende Nicholas,
“By Goddes corpus, this goth faire and weel.”

Tell the truth — you just skipped all that shit, huh? You tried to read the first couple lines, then you scrolled down here. So you missed the dirty part in The Miller’s Tale…the part about her hole, and the (ass) kissing, and the part about how he’s confused about what the fuck just happend cause he thought he was giving her a simple kiss on the cheek, but a woman doesn’t have a beard…so what did he just get done kissing?! (No shaved pussies back then, bro).

About the only other thing I remember from that class was the origin of the word “cunt”. We got the whole etymology of that word, from the non-offensive “queynte” used in the Miller’s Tale, all the way to how it out-dirtys The King of All Dirty Words today. How about that for some medieval filth? And how about you stick a god damned gold star on my chest for using the word etymology in a porno blog?

I have no idea how I ever passed that class. Actually, I didn’t pass that class. I earned a “C”, which, if you’re were an English major (or studied any of the humanities) a “C” is a professor’s nice way of saying that — in addition to being a dope — you’re a failure. The only way to earn a “D” or a failing grade in any humanities class was to no show; however, I maintained an outstanding attendance record. I was punctual, too. I sat near the professor, and I’d even ask him questions! Much of the time he’d kinda roll his eyes or groan, but that’s ok…cause as one of my coaches drilled into my head: “C’s get degrees, Billy!”

Did I ever tell you I graduated college with a 2.02 cumulative GPA? Yeppers. I’m very positive I graduated at the very bottom of my class. As in last. Very last. No one behind me whatsoever.

What else would you expect from a pornographer?