“Does he have a big dick?” I asked.
“It’s average, but he blows a big load!”
I’m all about the average-sized Stunt Cock blowing a bigger-than-average load; after all, in this biz, it’s all about The Money Shot…right? Besides, since potential Stunt Cock’s ween is average, which means a lot of my members will be able to relate, which means they’ll enjoy the content more.
So I gave the dude a shot.
When my members asked for Dianna Prince, I teamed her up with The New Stunt Cock, and when he pulled his wee wee out, I was pissed.
I was pissed at Porno Princess for lying about the size of her boyfriend’s package, but I was more pissed at myself for not asking to see it first.
I thought, just for a moment, to cancel the scene…but I decided to give Dude a shot. Who knows? Maybe I’d stumble upon a fetish: are there people who like to watch Small-Cock Porn?
The short answer is no, there’s not a lot of folks out there looking to watch Pee Pee Porn, and his load wasn’t all that great either…and it took Dude about 30 minutes of furious beating before he unloaded.
Clusterfuck #2) This is why I had an abortion!!: I book at Coog/MILF Porno Princess to appear in an upcoming Watching My Mom Go Black scene. You’re familiar with that site, right? You know…the one where a trouble-making Son gets in big trouble with a Black Thug, and Mom comes to Son’s rescue. Uh huh. That one. It’s all about “tough love” as Mom bangs Black Thug while forcing Son to witness the whole spectacle: “I’m doing this honey for your own good! You won’t mess up after this, will you?”
“No Mom! Please stop!”
You know the rest.
Anyway, we start shooting stills and my male talent — Rico Strong — pulls his dick out. Now, in Porno Land, standard protocol is to give a helping hand to a Stunt Cock to get the ball rolling…so to speak. Some call it “fluffing” and some don’t. I call it “polite courtesy” but never required.
The Mom I hired is not thrilled at all to help Mr. Strong out, and that’s cool. Mr. Strong knows these types, as do I; what I wasn’t counting on was Mom’s statement just 2 minutes into Mr. Strong working himself up: She looked up at Rico, made a face akin to someone after they lick a dog turd, and said, “This is why I had an abortion.”
I looked at Rico.
Rico looked at me.
The “Son” we hired looked at both of us.
Mom looked at Rico and said it again. Then, she jumped off the bed and starting saying — very loudly — “he can’t get his dick hard! He can’t get his dick hard!” Then she got on the phone and said it again…to who?
I have no idea.
Do I need to tell you I killed the scene?
How about this one: I kill the scene and Mom looks at me and wants to know how much her kill fee is gonna be.
I ask Mom very nicely to pack her bags and haul ass. And on the way out she says to me, “I need to have a Japanese baby.”
If you think I make this shit up, you need to have a Japanese baby.
Clusterfuck #3) Can anyone please find me a sistah?: I’m all out of black chicks to shoot for Gloryhole-Initiations and Cumbang. I mean it…literally. In three or four years and hundreds of scenes, I’m all out of new sistahs to shoot. And with the downturn in Porn Valley work, there’s not a lot of new black girls popping up at any of the agent’s sites.
What to do but re-shoot some of the hotter ones who are still around?
I booked one I haven’t shot in quite sometime. The problem is, she won’t do it for the rate we’ve been paying all the girls — black or white — cause, (and I’ll use her words), “I’m one of the hottest black girls around.”
So the agent dreams up a scheme: “Pay her your normal rate, Billy, and add my agent fee on top of that, and we’ll tell her that’s the pay. But, send the check to me, cause she owes me money anyway.”
I’m not a fan of such Tom Foolery, but I reluctantly agree. I need content, after all.
Shoot day comes…and she no-shows.
I don’t care what you’re doing to make your money, getting work in this economy is tough. But you already know this. So I lose money the day I’m supposed to shoot One of The Hottest Black Girls, and my quest still remains: are there any black girls who wanna take a trip to The Hole?