Brandon Iron – who started at the bottom and has clawed his way up to the top…

Ramon – who took about a million rides on The Bang Bus with his 12 inch stick…

Billy Watson – who is about as goofy and stoopid as it gets (and certainly not a pornstar)…

Since I touched upon this (pardon the pun) a bit in my blog entry dated 11/26, I thought I would go ahead and spell things out. I can’t tell you how many dumb e-mails I get asking the same dumb question: How can I fuck hot girls, too? How can I be a porn star? How can I be in one of your movies?

Some will even go as far as to offer their “help” around my studio – like holding lights, or sweeping the floor, or doing whatever they can to get their “foot in the door”.

I’ve blogged about this before, and now I’m going to give you some real advice. If you’re serious, and you want to be a porn star, there’s really two ways to do it:

1) Live in the Los Angeles area and start at the very bottom. If you’re wondering what the bottom is, I’d have to say any sort of gang bang / bukakke thing. I’ve actually listed the phone number here before for the American Bukakke folks. It’s a recorded line, and it has all the info you need to be one of 75 or 100 lucky guys to dump a load of jizz on (if you’re really lucky) your favorite porn star.

Don’t ask for the phone number again, please. Just do a search on this blog and you’ll find it, sooner or later.

Now, if you do get the gig for a gang bang or a bukakke thing, here’s some helpful hints that will get hired for more work; hence, your shot to climb your way to the top.

While at the gang bang, make sure you’ve got a big pop, and a big dick. 5 – 7 inches is norm for the male penis. It would help a whole lot if yours is bigger than 7. Also, don’t act like a creep. And whatever you do, don’t act like a fag, even if you are one. Finally, keep your eyes peeled for the guy in charge. He’s usually the one cutting the checks at the end (don’t expect more than $100 for your load…if you’re lucky). Act like a professional around him.

If you find out who’s the boss before the scene, shake his hand. Make sure your hand is clean. If it’s after the scene, give him the knuckle tap, or the elbow tap…just don’t shake his hand, whatever you do.

Always be polite. Smile. Again, don’t act like a pervy creep. And have a business card with a contact number on it. If he gives you his card, call him ONCE or TWICE, about 3 to 5 days after the shoot. Do NOT blow up his phone if he doesn’t return your calls. Follow this advice, and trust me, you’ll eventually get your shot at Porno Stardom.

2) If you live outside LA, then you might have to scrimp and save. Buy yourself a 3 chip camera. Buy yourself some lights and find a lawyer to write up some model releases. Shit, you don’t even have to get a lawyer for that! Just Google it, like everything else in your life. Know 2257 laws. Then find a place to shoot your scenes, and either shoot POV porn (point of view), or find a dude who will bang the girls for you. Then, place an ad in your local weekly rag, interview the girls, find a cute one, or an ugly one, then make your own porno. It’s that simple. I’ve even listed current pay rates on my blog before! Just search it again!

After you make a handful of scenes, create a website, and BAM! you’re in the biz!

How hard can it be? DUH!

Now don’t say I didn’t ever give you somethin’ for nothin’.